Can someone write a paraphrase of this page in moddern english?

Bene. O! she misused me past the endurance of a block: an oak but with one green leaf on it, would have answered her: my very visor began to ume life ans scold with her. She told me, not thinking I had been myself, that i was the prince's jester; that i was duller than a great thaw; huddling jest apon jest with such immposible conveyance upon me, that i stood like a man at a mark, with a whole army shooting at me. She speaks poniards, and everyword stabs: if her breath were as terrible as her terminations, there were no living near her; she would infect to the north star. I would not marry her, though she were endowed with all that adam had left him before he transdressed: she would have made hercules have turned spit, yea, and have cleft his club to make the fire too. Come, talk not of her; you shall find her infernal Ate in good apparel. I would to god some scholar would conjure her, for certainly, while she is here, a man may live as quiet in hell as in a sanctuary; and people